Elle Oh Vee Ee.

I'm so anxious for love.
So ready for it
that I can just grasp it.
I've gotten to the point
where I don't even care who it's with,
I just want to feel it.
I just want to feel Love.

"I wish it could just be simple,
like a retro-pop song.
"I want you to want me!"
BOOM! End of story.
We all live happily ever after.

But it's never really like that, is it?"

It's December -

NOTE: My "n" button has been letting me down lately...

I've been waiting. I told my mom about 3 weeks after Christmas last year that I wanted it to be Christmas again. But there's something missing this time.

I remember last year I couldn't wait because there was something missing. I couldn't wait until Christmas because I knew that it would fill the missing hole. But this time I feel like I can't have Christmas until I find out what this missing piece is...
I love the food. I love the smell. I love the love. I love the togetherness. I love the feeling. I. Love. Christmas. Too bad I feel like a hypocrite this year. I haven't talked to God in months.
Oh wait, I did a few weeks ago because I had a cancer scare...but there we go again with the hypocrisy. I've only been going to Him lately because I've felt obligated...not because I've wanted to.

This Christmas I don't want much...because I know I'm not getting much. But I wish I could connect again--somehow. This year brought a lot onto me. The past semester alone has opened my eyes up to SO much. But is it in a way that I'd like my eyes to be opened? I want to go back, but I feel like an addict. The more I get, the more I'm satisfied, and the more I'm secretly unhappy with the way my life's rolling.

Oh December. Bring on the new year! I think I'm ready this time.